I DON’T HAVE TO BE FAMOUS

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Shangrila – First Prize winner at the Blue Door Gallery members juried show 2015


When I was a only child growing up in a house where the adults had mental illness, I locked myself in my room for hours drawing. I erased my childhood trauma with art. I went into the art zone. So I really became a survivor and perfected my skills in drawing. This lead to being accepted at the High School of Art & Design in 1966. 500 applicants and they only accepted 200. VICTORY!

But the truth is when I was in my sacred room avoiding adult insanity, I also fantasized on being famous. WHY?

I believe that being famous would make the world see me and love me. It would take me away from the truth of my dark reality. I was interviewed by Johnny Carson in my room!  I was very special. My talents were many and I impressed Johnny by belting out songs. I really had a magic room. 

Being famous became a hidden motive so I became extremely competitive in art. I was recognized as being talented and won a National Schoolastic award. But I lived in fear of not being famous. Compare and dispair became my name. There were others better than me and I started to give up. What I didn’t understand is that someone will always be better than me. But the better is in there expression.

JEALOUS ARTISTS!  I was one. Jealousy made me leave my art and become a secretary. Being famous had become the demon Master. 30 year artist block followed.

What I finally learned when I came back to my art is it’s not important to be famous. My block actually gave me insight into the true value of being an artist. You are not really seeing as a artist if your objective is fame. Fame doesn’t inspire creativity. Fame inspires fear. My art has become so free and it is who I am. My art speaks to people it is authentic.

When I learned how to love who I am and trust my spiritual connection with my God. When I connected to people and stopped hiding from the world. WHEN I STOPPED CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK is when I became truly famous.  

 

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