THERE IS NO COLOR


I have taken a quiet time the last couple of months to restore my mind.  As an artist and inspired individual where do I go from here.   How do I use art to heal this broken world?

The world is broken because we don’t think creatively.   Every person has this ability to be naturally creative.  It’s suppressed and replaced with following formulas that don’t work for everything.   Schools don’t engage students to think.  They memorize to pass tests.  The individual is lost. 

Art has been tossed out of people’s lives.   Not important.  Today’s craze of adult coloring books is a farce. Again no creative thought is used.  Just color in someone else’s creativity.  

There is a fear of being creative.  Being creative is not “keeping up with the Jones”.  Not following the pack. 

I am mentoring a young woman artist.  A beautiful Latino woman who has given up her art.  I looked into her eyes and I saw a spark of hope that she could do her life differently. 

I’m going to get her to think like an artist. 

SHOULDN’T EVERYONE?

PEACE TO THE WORLD 


3:00am PART II

I was jolted out of sleep with this compelling phrase:

“STOP THE WORLD I WANT TO GET OFF”.  The title of a 1962 Broadway show starring Anthony Newly. 

 Why did this phrase wake me up?  I’ve never seen this show but that title is running through my brain cells lately.  Of course now that I’m awake I Googled the synopsis of the play.  It’s about a average guy called Littlechap who gets the daughter of a wealthy family pregnant.  Doing the right thing, he marries her but doesn’t love her.  They have a family and he becomes a upperclass man due to his wife’s family.  And he never is involved with his wife or family. He realizes how he’s lived a empty deceitful life and comes to his senses. That is basically my synopsis. 

Interesting, it’s always a story of reaching VIP status.  The desire to enjoy the view from the top.  In the end missing life’s true treasures of relationships. 

As an artist I have been challenged supporting myself in my art.  I was teaching painting but I only had a few dedicated students.  There was no interest and the class was cancelled.  But I realized that I teach a very special type of painting class. I’m a very professional artist and I have the ability to get people to explore their inner artist. They replaced my class with a coloring book class!  The world is so broken 

But today people want to wallow in their problems and they are watching news and getting sick from the politics of the presidential campaign.   I have no TV and I don’t read newspapers.  There’s nothing I need to know and my friends usually let me know.   So the point of this is to keep trying to reach the suffering souls. 

I a working on a group of paintings around the theme of escaping into landscapes.  It is a new vision where I have now put people into my landscapes.  We all need peace and quiet.   Stop the chatter.  Nature heals.  

Experimenting with iPad to insert figures into orignal art

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Experimenting with iPad to insert figures into orignal art

So that’s where I’m at for today. 

Enjoy Anthony Newly singing “Once In a Lifetime” from Stop the World  

BACK FROM AN ARTIST BLOCK –  THE COMEBACKS 

August 12th I had carpel tunnel surgery on my right hand.   It’s my dominant hand.   So I took the time to relax and heal.   However, it eventually took me down the mental rabbit hole.  I ended up depressed, lonely and blocked creatively.   It was like my mind was empty.  A dust bin. 

I couldn’t think and forget posting on my blog.   

Weeks were passing and now I have feelings of failure.   I want to write a blog post but I feel stupid.   It’s been forever. I’m a terrible blogger with an artist block!!!!

And then I realized that my blog is about coming back from an artist block.   Isn’t life always about the comebacks. 

The artist comeback can be a Phoenix rising.  A new path, a different story.   And actually I have a new theme I started in my paintings. I have added figures to my landscapes.  The figures are faceless children ( they are me or you) and they are escaping into landscapes.  This is the first of a group that I will be working on. 


THE ART OF … SANITY 


I HAVE BEEN STALKED AND CAPTURED BY THE DARK CREVICES OF MY MIND.   I CAN UNDERSTAND VAN GOGH’S FIGHT WITH SANITY.  BUT I AM A VERY LEARNED WOMAN WHO HAS SPENT A LIFETIME EDUCATING MYSELF ON HOW THE BRAIN WORKS. 

KNOWING IS THE FIRST STEP IN BEING ABLE TO STOP FIGHTING THE DARKNESS AND LET IT JUST FLOW THROUGH. 

DURING THESE TIMES I HIDE IN MY HOME AND RETREAT.   I’M TAKEN AWAY FROM INDULGING IN LUSCIOUS OILY PAINT COLORS AND BUILDING LAYER UPON LAYER OF RICH THICK PAINT.  I’M IMMOBILE TO ACTION. 

I accept those times even though I shut the world out and fear I will never escape my demons.  But I have to always avoid giving in to false evidence appearing real. 

A month ago I experienced a new mental twist…anxiety disorder!   I didn’t know that I had it.  But I have to say I chased my recovery from it and sought help.  I don’t have to go through pain alone anymore.   And all through this I let the luscious oil paints flow on canvas and shared my experience to a troubled student in my painting class.  

I don’t give in but I also don’t fight my mind…my darkness is another part of being an artist.  I even used darkness in a series of paintings.


I’M BACK TO BEING JEAN.  I’M BACK .   I trust God and give to others.   

MY MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES ARE NOT A MORAL ISSUE.   THEY ARE THE PIECES OF THE MYSTERIOUS PUZZLE CALLED JEAN MESSNER. 

IN REMEMBRANCE OF VINCENT VAN GOGH. 



HAVE YOU EVER STAYED AWAKE AT NIGHT THINKING ABOUT….?

YOUR BLOG IS NOT WORKING AND YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE STARTED IT. 

I don’t know what other bloggers do or think but I am working with a ADHD mind that drifts a lot.  Also my ADHD mind started to change my theme and I finally got it back to a sane appearance. That being said I am ready to post today. 

I want to talk about how I told my story to the Executive Director of the National Association of Women Artists. This is a 127 year art organization for women artists who have always been shunned in the art world. 

I told the story of how art saved me as a child growing up with mentally ill caretakers.  I als was sexually abused for a year when I was 5 by a neighbor.  I never was taught how to live and I raised myself.  But I escaped into my room for hours drawing and playing Barbra Streisand records. When I say hours I mean 6-7 hours.  I also played hookey from school hiding in the attic drawing.  I was famous in my room.  I was interviewed by Johnny Carson in my room.  I designed beautiful clothes for myself.  I always knew my family was crazy and I would never be the nasty people they were.  My house was the Adams Family house.  Except the Adams family were a nice family. 

Susan, the director, listened and after telling my story she looked in my eyes and said, “I am going to do something for you that I have only done twice since I have been director here.  I am offering you a free membership to NAWA so I can help you and promote you. “

She finished by saying I was a good person and my story is powerful enough to help a lot of people. 

And I will be giving a workshop at NAWA May 10th showing how iPad art apps are a powerful artists tool. 

The following pictures are from the  days of 1966-1970 living in the house. 

1969 one of the many cats in my life

1966 Mod Look in doorway of house

1970 H.S. of Art & Design Yearbook


I WAS LOST AND MORE WAS REVEALED 

A lot has been revealed in the past weeks.  I faced a lot about myself and how my purpose was morphing again.  I’m not making things happen.  There was the ADHD gear box.  I was in neutral. Thinking of so many great things but not being able to engage and complete the ideas.  The result was what I created an artist block.  I stopped my art and got lost in the distractions to avoid my vision.

AVOIDANCE!!!   A corrupting thread in my life based on fear.   

I’m facing the fact that creating an art business is work.  I can’t wait for the perfect action to take and have the expectation that it will be the answer.  I need to keep being a doer.  Every day.   

One thing I started to do was paint again.  An artist has to keep honing their skills.  Also I am embarking on going back and renewing my drawing skills.   I’m playing with creating a character of myself in drawing.  Art has to come first and then I will be able to create my art business.

ART FIRST!!!!

image

ANNOUNCING:  MY BLOG DO-OVER

The last few weeks have challenged who I am and where am I going as an artist and blogger. It was not pretty but definitely enlightening to say the least!

Crashing and burning is a sign for me something needs to change.  That thing is usually ME.  

I was trying to learn how to be a successful blogger and business owner.  After listening and researching hundreds of podcasts and listening to an overload of coaches who had different versions of the basic idea (you need them to get it) I found myself concluding that I am a definite loser at the game. 

This morning was the culmination of my life as an artist blogger business owner. . . “I’m a recovering starving artist!!

   
 I froze and lost all belief in my vision and gave up on everything that I have done successfully.  

So Fearless Artist Blog is really about getting my courage back.  Acknowledge my imperfections of learning disabilities and ADHD but not let them take me down.  

I will keep challenging and celebrating ME.   Face the world and speak my truth.  Define my success of perserverance and let my voice about art is for everyone ring out.  

  
   

ART IS EVERYWHERE!!  THE BRONX IS BEAUTIFUL!!

Yesterday I was in a pity pot about how awful my life is.  I’ll never be successful with my creative business and I will end up living in poverty.   AND I DON’T HAVE A VALENTINE!!   HYSTERICAL!!!

I had to meet my ex-husband in the city in -15 degree weather.  I hopped onto the 1 train and continued to cry under my two wool scarves.  Then I peered up from my hide-out and noticed a young couple across the way happy to be together on Valentines Day.  THIS CHANGED MY BRAIN!!   I ACTUALLY THOUGHT IT WAS A WONDERFUL PICTURE!!  I ASKED IF I COULD TAKE THEIR PICTURE FOR MY BLOG.  

I FORGOT ALL MY PROBLEMS AND NOW KNOW THAT PEOPLE ARE SO MUCH A PART OF MY LIFE AND ART. 

  

I’M BACK – THE FEAR OF WRITING A POST 

Well it is very hard to come back and post after my last post.  Being transparent with my ADHD in my last post brought up a lot of emotion.  That is the nature of the beast.  Doubt and shame.  Also every day I didn’t post made it harder to post.  I kept listing “post on blog” every day and avoided it.  

  
My whole life I ran from the world.  I had many good ideas and people behind me.  I couldn’t bring them to fruition and disappeared.  I left many things that could have been profitable behind me.  I NEVER BELIEVED IN MYSELF.  

Today I am facing my demons of running away.  I will keep trudging the creative path that is divinely given to me.  

I’m back on my post and I will keep doing this post.  I’m not perfect and perfectionism is will kill me.  

GETTING BACK ON THE HORSE!!!   I’M A SUCCESSFUL ADHD ARTIST TODAY!   

   

 

UPDATED ART – HOPPER 

  
Everyone experiences this hidden loneliness even robots.