MIND OF AN ARTIST: STUDY A BLADE OF GRASS

My mind is a monkey mind.

I know it's my ADHD. There is a quality of my life that resembles a circus. I'm always trying to train those monkeys to perform the right way. Okay you guys get yourselves in order.

I actually become the lion tamer trying to force my creativity to perform. Not only to perform but to kick ass perform.

Here's where pressure to be a creative genius sets in. In other words here comes the artist block! I HAVE TO DO THE BEST PAINTING OR DO NOTHING! So I do nothing.

The monkeys are doing nothing so out of boredom they start to act out. Avoidance creates havoc and chaos. I end up hating myself for being unproductive. It's a great big circus ring ready to explode.

My thinking is creativity needs to be a high experience with lots of bells and whistles going off. There's no sanity. There's no peace. Every work of art has to be created from a psychedelic experience. Don't forget I come from the original hippie lifestyle. The Magical Mystery tour. But it's becoming clear that flying by the seat of exploding pants is not working.

So that is why I am choosing to study a blade of grass. Slow down get off the merry go round. Be a quiet painter. I cannot be a superhuman artist. Study a blade of grass.

Here are plein air paintings done with the mindset of "study a blade of grass ".

I’M BACK – THE FEAR OF WRITING A POST 

Well it is very hard to come back and post after my last post.  Being transparent with my ADHD in my last post brought up a lot of emotion.  That is the nature of the beast.  Doubt and shame.  Also every day I didn’t post made it harder to post.  I kept listing “post on blog” every day and avoided it.  

  
My whole life I ran from the world.  I had many good ideas and people behind me.  I couldn’t bring them to fruition and disappeared.  I left many things that could have been profitable behind me.  I NEVER BELIEVED IN MYSELF.  

Today I am facing my demons of running away.  I will keep trudging the creative path that is divinely given to me.  

I’m back on my post and I will keep doing this post.  I’m not perfect and perfectionism is will kill me.  

GETTING BACK ON THE HORSE!!!   I’M A SUCCESSFUL ADHD ARTIST TODAY!   

   

 

HELLO MY NAME IS JEAN AND I’M AN ARTIST WITH ADHD 

I wish there was a 12 Step program for my struggles with this issue.  So I am going to adapt AA’s program to help me work through ADHD symptoms that do not serve me as an artist who is building a creative business.  Please join me on a road less traveled – it starts with BELIEF!
  

DISCLAIMER:  I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST OR COUNSELOR.  I ONLY SHARE MY EXPERIENCE STRENGTH AND HOPE ON DEALING WITH MY ADHD ISSUES.  PLEASE CONSULT PROFESSIONAL HELP TO DETERMINE YOUR NEEDS. 

I have been blogging for a very short time.  It was done without really thinking about what my blog would be.  I admit I was impulsive and said this may work (or not).  So I wanted to let artists know how I recovered from a 30 year artist block that ended in the loss of a 13 year marriage and losing  custody of my 5 year old son due to the destruction of my true self.  That is a whole other post.  

I AM READY FOR THE NEXT BLOGGER LEVEL.  TRANSPARENCY.  AUTHENTICITY AND CREATIVITY.  

I never knew I had ADHD until I turned 50.  I struggled my whole life to survive and fit in a world I didn’t understand.  I ended up abusing alcohol and drugs to self medicate since I was 11 years old.  In February 2001 I destroyed myself and everyone around me.  I was sent to a treatment center in Pennsylvania for 30 days but I was so sick I ended up there for 7 months.  On September 10, 2001 I left rehab with a suitcase and pillow and quilt to my new apartment in Queens. The next morning 9/11 happened.  I realize now what a metaphor that was.  The end of New York City as we knew it (safe and routine).  As I watched the Towers crumble before my eyes in disbelief the impact of something so permanent crashing down and disappearing in a short time I now see as the crumbling of my life as knew it was also crashing. 

I needed to rebuild me. 

6 months later I was diagnosed with ADHD and learning disabilities.  FINALLY EVERYTHING MADE SENSE!  I learned I was not crazy, lazy or stupid.  

So I want to let my blogging friends know who I am and how I dealt with my struggles to manage a life that was lost for so many years.

In 2009 I was laid off from a 19 year legal secretary position in a very large New York City law firm.  I didn’t see the gift this would eventually become.  I had to make a decision at the age of 57 to not hide out in a secretarial job.  I had to face the question either I’m an artist or not.  Am I willing to go to any lengths to finally be visible and show my art. 

I’m committed to finally being free to stop giving up on myself and my talent.  My previous posts show my journey. Now I am adding to that journey the up and down pathways of a artist of maturity in a world of economic uncertainty creating a prosperous business in the arts. 

I’m spiritually guided to help artists who struggle with believing that they can’t be successful.  Who have given up on their art. Who feel that they are too old or not good enough to live a creative life.  This is not for artists who want to do art to make money and be famous.  I’m an artist who does art because I must.  I never paint to sell.  I have come out of the cave and have built a big internet exposure slowly.  I have done art shows where I was the oldest person there. Also the only woman artist. I don’t think about being old and not fitting in. In fact I am grateful to be able to have my work out there. When I first let my work be shown I SOLD MY ART! And I continue to sell. 

My vision expanded to be an inspirational artist speaker and coach to help those who have ADHD or artist blocks.  

THIS BLOG IS ABOUT BEING A FEARLESS ARTIST.  BEING A SUCCESSFUL ARTIST DEALING WITH ADHD SYMPTOMS.  I NOW WORK WITHOUT EGO.  I WANT TO LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO HAVE SUCCESS. I DEFINE SUCCESS IN ALL AREAS OF MY LIFE.  

IT STARTS WITH BELIEF!