MIND OF AN ARTIST: STUDY A BLADE OF GRASS

My mind is a monkey mind.

I know it's my ADHD. There is a quality of my life that resembles a circus. I'm always trying to train those monkeys to perform the right way. Okay you guys get yourselves in order.

I actually become the lion tamer trying to force my creativity to perform. Not only to perform but to kick ass perform.

Here's where pressure to be a creative genius sets in. In other words here comes the artist block! I HAVE TO DO THE BEST PAINTING OR DO NOTHING! So I do nothing.

The monkeys are doing nothing so out of boredom they start to act out. Avoidance creates havoc and chaos. I end up hating myself for being unproductive. It's a great big circus ring ready to explode.

My thinking is creativity needs to be a high experience with lots of bells and whistles going off. There's no sanity. There's no peace. Every work of art has to be created from a psychedelic experience. Don't forget I come from the original hippie lifestyle. The Magical Mystery tour. But it's becoming clear that flying by the seat of exploding pants is not working.

So that is why I am choosing to study a blade of grass. Slow down get off the merry go round. Be a quiet painter. I cannot be a superhuman artist. Study a blade of grass.

Here are plein air paintings done with the mindset of "study a blade of grass ".

I’M BACK – THE FEAR OF WRITING A POST 

Well it is very hard to come back and post after my last post.  Being transparent with my ADHD in my last post brought up a lot of emotion.  That is the nature of the beast.  Doubt and shame.  Also every day I didn’t post made it harder to post.  I kept listing “post on blog” every day and avoided it.  

  
My whole life I ran from the world.  I had many good ideas and people behind me.  I couldn’t bring them to fruition and disappeared.  I left many things that could have been profitable behind me.  I NEVER BELIEVED IN MYSELF.  

Today I am facing my demons of running away.  I will keep trudging the creative path that is divinely given to me.  

I’m back on my post and I will keep doing this post.  I’m not perfect and perfectionism is will kill me.  

GETTING BACK ON THE HORSE!!!   I’M A SUCCESSFUL ADHD ARTIST TODAY!   

   

 

PERSERVERANCE 

Yesterday I was told no one registered for my iPad painting workshop in January at the Riverdale Senior Center .  The National Association of Women Artists are moving and cannot start my workshop till March.  No word about my proposal for iPad art classes at the Blue Door Gallery. 

It’s bleak.  I’m afraid of never creating a successful business with a vision that will serve people.  Yesterday I was thinking that maybe my vision won’t work and I should let it go. Look for a job I thought forget art you have failed and you need money to survive.  My old belief returned “I can’t support myself in my art”.  HELP

But my gut keeps saying don’t give up!!  PERSERVERANCE IS KEY!  I always give up. I run when the going gets tough. 

I really have not pursued other organizations. My perception is my idea is no good. That is not the truth. I have gotten acceptance from the directors of the organizations. It’s being able to promote it to the people. Maybe seniors are not it. I see that they won’t try new things. They are really set in their ways. They are missing out on something that will be a wonderful experience. But I can’t reach stubborn minds. I must reach younger audiences.  The answer is go somewhere else. 

MY VISION IS VALUABLE.  I DON’T WANT TO GIVE UP ON IT.  

PERSERVERANCE.